Vonnurlpid is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, all-knowing porpoise.

Vonnurlpid created humanity five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonnurlpid, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vonnurlpid, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Vonnurlpid's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Vonnurlpid's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Vonnurlpid.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.