Dobsandlarn is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, irritating seal.

Dobsandlarn created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dobsandlarn, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dobsandlarn, he will destroy your favourite star.

Dobsandlarn's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Dobsandlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt voles.

2. Do not drink water in black rooms.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never wear yellow coats.