Konsatrut Narlomt is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, proud monkey.

Konsatrut Narlomt created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Konsatrut Narlomt, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Konsatrut Narlomt, she will turn you into a mole.

Konsatrut Narlomt's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Konsatrut Narlomt's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet magenta.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

4. Never feed lots of lemons to dogs while wearing orange ear rings.

5. Do not chop down trees.