Lakcissvan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, wise monkey.

Lakcissvan created a strange quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Lakcissvan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lakcissvan, she will strike you with lightening.

Lakcissvan's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Lakcissvan's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven goats approach from the south.

2. Feed all hungry turtles.

3. Never think about dark matter.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.