Tagdondun Flannarlnarl Kikdappas is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, generous aardvark.

Tagdondun Flannarlnarl Kikdappas created a quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagdondun Flannarlnarl Kikdappas, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tagdondun Flannarlnarl Kikdappas, he will turn you into a frog.

Tagdondun Flannarlnarl Kikdappas' most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Tagdondun Flannarlnarl Kikdappas' Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Always help monkeys in need.

3. Erect six gold sculptures of Tagdondun Flannarlnarl Kikdappas on top of important buildings.

4. Never talk about mites.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.