Teenbognell is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, narcissistic crocodile.

Teenbognell created the Small Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenbognell, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenbognell, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Teenbognell's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Teenbognell's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics near turtles while wearing green shoes and balancing five aluminium spheres on your arms.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.