Yakmapsom is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, proud newt.

Yakmapsom created Europe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakmapsom, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yakmapsom, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Yakmapsom's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Yakmapsom's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yakmapsom.

2. Retreat if three tapirs approach from the north.

3. Never feed lots of rice to porpoises while wearing blue scarves.

4. Run away from mauve mites, for they are unholy.

5. Never think about archaea.