Nurlnankikwig is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, fussy dryad.

Nurlnankikwig created a top quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurlnankikwig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nurlnankikwig, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Nurlnankikwig's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Nurlnankikwig's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never wear scarves.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never think about spacetime near dogs while wearing gray coats and balancing six silver spheres on your neck.