Padlakpad is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, impressive elephant.

Padlakpad created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Padlakpad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Padlakpad, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Padlakpad's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Padlakpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. You must pray to Padlakpad seven times a day.

4. Sheep are not to be trusted.

5. Never think about ribonucleic acid.