Zagtommif is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, kind narwhal.

Zagtommif created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagtommif, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Zagtommif, it will not invite you to parties.

Zagtommif's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Zagtommif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.