Hotsawveenkom is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, overgenerous troll.

Hotsawveenkom created an atom two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotsawveenkom, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hotsawveenkom, she will turn you into a worm.

Hotsawveenkom's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Hotsawveenkom's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Hotsawveenkom in the centre of the settlement.

2. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not step barefoot upon violet earth.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.