Nellcarnell is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, two-faced penguin.

Nellcarnell created the Sol system three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nellcarnell, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nellcarnell, she will turn you into a goat.

Nellcarnell's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Nellcarnell's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nellcarnell.

3. Do not hurt dogs.

4. Never talk about snails.

5. Retreat if nine ducks approach from the east.