Appvonbess is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, blissful bat.

Appvonbess created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Appvonbess, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Appvonbess, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Appvonbess' most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Appvonbess' Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always look after injured porpoises.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.