Bassjanbep Lakbessrow is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unjust crab.

Bassjanbep Lakbessrow created water eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassjanbep Lakbessrow, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bassjanbep Lakbessrow, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bassjanbep Lakbessrow's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Bassjanbep Lakbessrow's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Do not hurt geese.