Taplarnmif is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, confident dove.

Taplarnmif created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Taplarnmif, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Taplarnmif, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Taplarnmif's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Taplarnmif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep eight pigs in a large pit.

2. Never eat coconuts.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Taplarnmif.

4. Never wear mauve stockings.

5. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Taplarnmif in the centre of the settlement.