Gardumbess is a god.

She takes the form of a large, blissful armadillo.

Gardumbess created the planet Saturn four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gardumbess, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gardumbess, she will turn you into a mouse.

Gardumbess' most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gardumbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never go into yellow rooms.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near foxes while wearing mauve hats.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.