Dabpassad is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, almighty goblin.

Dabpassad created water four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dabpassad, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dabpassad, it will send you a sign.

Dabpassad's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Dabpassad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

2. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

3. Never paint your legs white.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near bats while wearing gray trousers and balancing eight titanium spheres on your head.