Muttarquart is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, dishonest dugong.

Muttarquart created Europe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Muttarquart, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Muttarquart, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Muttarquart's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Muttarquart's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. You must love Muttarquart.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.