Stafyarzak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, blissful turtle.

Stafyarzak created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafyarzak, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Stafyarzak, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Stafyarzak's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Stafyarzak's Holy Commandments

1. Put Stafyarzak first in all things.

2. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never talk about dark matter near geese while wearing turquoise kilts and balancing nine silicon spheres on your head.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Stafyarzak.

5. Do not cook food in pots.