Fonpadfas is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, moody weasel.

Fonpadfas created a bottom quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Fonpadfas, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fonpadfas, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Fonpadfas' most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Fonpadfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in holy places.

2. Fonpadfas must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never run near manatees.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.