Xemranmif is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, ill-tempered tapir.

Xemranmif created a top quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Xemranmif, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Xemranmif, she will remove you from existence.

Xemranmif's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Xemranmif's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

2. Never feed wheat to bats while wearing coats.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Xemranmif in the centre of the settlement.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.