Goffarntip is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, slow monkey.

Goffarntip created Europe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Goffarntip, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Goffarntip, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Goffarntip's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Goffarntip's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum gravity.

2. Never sprint in the presence of dolphins.

3. Worship no other gods but Goffarntip.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Goffarntip on top of all buildings.

5. Erect seven silicon sculptures of Goffarntip on top of important buildings.