Konsterfem is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, ill-tempered meerkat.

Konsterfem created humanity four years ago.

If you believe in Konsterfem, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Konsterfem, it will not care at all.

Konsterfem's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Konsterfem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Never write about photosynthesis.

4. Hide from pink gulls for they are unholy.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Konsterfem.