Hanpodkon is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, tiresome meerkat.

Hanpodkon created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hanpodkon, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hanpodkon, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Hanpodkon's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Hanpodkon's Holy Commandments

1. Turtles are not to be trusted.

2. Hanpodkon loves swans, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Hanpodkon loves voles, so they must be respected.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hanpodkon.