Lopcadnutt Hogkabpig is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, emotional meerkat.

Lopcadnutt Hogkabpig created humanity six million years ago.

If you believe in Lopcadnutt Hogkabpig, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lopcadnutt Hogkabpig, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Lopcadnutt Hogkabpig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Lopcadnutt Hogkabpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow grasshopers to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Always treat ducks with great respect.

3. Always cleanse ash with water.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.