Lapflapcanyok is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, all-powerful lobster.

Lapflapcanyok created tapeworms two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapflapcanyok, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lapflapcanyok, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Lapflapcanyok's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Lapflapcanyok's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from cyan ants for they are unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Lapflapcanyok.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not kill whales.