Tanbetquam is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, selfish centipede.

Tanbetquam created dark matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tanbetquam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tanbetquam, she will turn you into a mouse.

Tanbetquam's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Tanbetquam's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Never cross rivers at midday.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

5. Remain standing during prayer.