Futtam is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, irritating raven.

Futtam created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Futtam, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Futtam, he will turn you into a tree.

Futtam's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Futtam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Futtam in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never think about optics near bats while wearing gray ear rings and balancing nine titanium spheres on your head.

5. Run away if six monkeys approach from the south.