Straggommip Spagbuglarnxuclidraksak Fitvadbon is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, ill-tempered skunk.

Straggommip Spagbuglarnxuclidraksak Fitvadbon created a Higgs boson four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Straggommip Spagbuglarnxuclidraksak Fitvadbon, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Straggommip Spagbuglarnxuclidraksak Fitvadbon, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Straggommip Spagbuglarnxuclidraksak Fitvadbon's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Straggommip Spagbuglarnxuclidraksak Fitvadbon's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Feed all hungry squirrels.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. Never talk about gravity near nematodes while wearing yellow ear rings and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your hands.