Xembodzed Bonkmatyok is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, humane dugong.

Xembodzed Bonkmatyok created a strange quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xembodzed Bonkmatyok, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Xembodzed Bonkmatyok, he will not care at all.

Xembodzed Bonkmatyok's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Xembodzed Bonkmatyok's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Xembodzed Bonkmatyok loves ants, so they must be respected.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not dye your hair pink.