Gadyarlaffub is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unsympathetic lobster.

Gadyarlaffub created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gadyarlaffub, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gadyarlaffub, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Gadyarlaffub's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Gadyarlaffub's Holy Commandments

1. Gadyarlaffub loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.