Landimnar Stermotwiptigsas is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unsympathetic clam.

Landimnar Stermotwiptigsas created the planet Jupiter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Landimnar Stermotwiptigsas, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Landimnar Stermotwiptigsas, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Landimnar Stermotwiptigsas' most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Landimnar Stermotwiptigsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not keep seven seals in a large pit.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Pray towards the north.