Lapgunfut is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, flying troll.

Lapgunfut created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapgunfut, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lapgunfut, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lapgunfut's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Lapgunfut's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat gulls with great respect.

2. Never paint your hands pink.

3. Do not take Lapgunfut's name in vain.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not dye your hair white.