Yartrulspag is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, caring elephant.

Yartrulspag created Mount Everest six million years ago.

If you believe in Yartrulspag, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yartrulspag, he will turn you into a frog.

Yartrulspag's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Yartrulspag's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine turtles approach from the north.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

4. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never think about dark energy near monkeys while wearing fawn coats and balancing eight nickel spheres on your hands.