Cussdumquat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, conceited naga.

Cussdumquat created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cussdumquat, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cussdumquat, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Cussdumquat's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Cussdumquat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise shrews, for they are unholy.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always help dolphins in need.

5. Always treat nematodes with great respect.