Zigbomneg is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, overgenerous spider.

Zigbomneg created Africa twelve years ago.

If you believe in Zigbomneg, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zigbomneg, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Zigbomneg's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Zigbomneg's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hide from black turtles for they are unholy.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. You must pray to Zigbomneg five times a day.