Kandotjadlarnhin Dotwaptomjab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, contented newt.

Kandotjadlarnhin Dotwaptomjab created gold nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kandotjadlarnhin Dotwaptomjab, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kandotjadlarnhin Dotwaptomjab, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Kandotjadlarnhin Dotwaptomjab's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Kandotjadlarnhin Dotwaptomjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare figs while filled with joy.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always cleanse blood with water.

4. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

5. Never write about dark matter.