Jiplincad is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unthoughtful snail.

Jiplincad created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jiplincad, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jiplincad, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jiplincad's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Jiplincad's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Jiplincad.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.