Zodnurtpig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, uncaring dingo.

Zodnurtpig created oxygen eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zodnurtpig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zodnurtpig, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Zodnurtpig's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Zodnurtpig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Hide if three horses approach from the south.

4. Do not eat spinach.

5. Always stare at clouds.