Lintinnegcub is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, slow seal.

Lintinnegcub created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lintinnegcub, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lintinnegcub, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lintinnegcub's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Lintinnegcub's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Lintinnegcub on top of all buildings.

2. Never hop near seals.

3. Never jump in the presence of turtles.

4. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.