Gatsterfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a large, generous cow.

Gatsterfeb created the Sombrero Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Gatsterfeb, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gatsterfeb, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gatsterfeb's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Gatsterfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear carbon on your body.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about fire.