Gigkopflapben is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, conceited tortoise.

Gigkopflapben created the cosmos three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gigkopflapben, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gigkopflapben, he will turn you into a rock.

Gigkopflapben's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Gigkopflapben's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never sprint in the presence of pigs.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. You must never eat rice.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near tortoises while wearing green tights and balancing eight zinc spheres on your arms.