Fatcenfum is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, fast parrot.

Fatcenfum created a down quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Fatcenfum, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fatcenfum, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fatcenfum's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Fatcenfum's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never talk about gravity near otters while wearing cyan shorts and balancing nine copper spheres on your arms.

5. Always stare at clouds.