Nilbudjig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, boastful tortoise.

Nilbudjig created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilbudjig, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Nilbudjig, he will turn you into a worm.

Nilbudjig's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Nilbudjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near goats while wearing mauve scarves and balancing six titanium spheres on your legs.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never wear coats.