Ditbessrutt is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, sapient hippopotamus.

Ditbessrutt created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ditbessrutt, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ditbessrutt, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Ditbessrutt's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Ditbessrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never talk about chromosomes.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

4. Always help turtles in need.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.