Tifquambud is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, fast shark.

Tifquambud created the world eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifquambud, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tifquambud, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tifquambud's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tifquambud's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force near geese while wearing pink boots and balancing four nickel spheres on your feet.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Tifquambud on top of all buildings.

3. Tifquambud loves mice, so they must be honoured.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.