Flanpad is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, deceitful ferret.

Flanpad created a strange quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flanpad, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Flanpad, it will laugh at you.

Flanpad's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Flanpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never think about photosynthesis.