Pakvanbag is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, sage jellyfish.

Pakvanbag created the planet Earth four million years ago.

If you believe in Pakvanbag, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Pakvanbag, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Pakvanbag's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Pakvanbag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to aardvarks while wearing kilts.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Erect a large lead sculpture of Pakvanbag on top of all buildings.

5. Never talk about special relativity near dogs while wearing violet boots.