Ontbabjat is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, calm whale.

Ontbabjat created viruses six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontbabjat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ontbabjat, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ontbabjat's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Ontbabjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn hats.

2. Never paint your chest brown.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.