Lakflam is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, uncaring swan.

Lakflam created vertebrates four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakflam, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lakflam, it will remove you from existence.

Lakflam's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Lakflam's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Learn four new languages a year.